Conditional love

Published September 20, 2013 by Nombuso Mashabane

We are taught never to be selfish, to be kind and always giving of ourselves, as well as to love unconditionally.

But would it be such a horrible thing if we loved with a limit, or cared only to certain extent and only gave as much as we received?

Before you think of me as miserly person, I would like to believe I am anything but that, what I do know though is that I used to a whole lot kinder, a whole lot giving, and perhaps a little less cynical than I am today. It’s one of the many things that life has taught me, I have learnt that sometimes extending kindness to another can be to our own detriment, but we do it anyway.

We go out of our way to help out a person, sometimes without them even asking, and without receiving even as little as a thank you, but that is why give; we give because we want to and we are able to, not because we want to be rewarded. Sometimes it has little to do with the receiver but much to do with us, the feelings that we get knowing that we could be of assistance to another. But where does one draw the line?

I know I have taken people for granted before and I know of people who take me for granted. When does kindness become a burden? There are people who see nothing wrong with using you for their own benefit, with very little regard for you, people who perceive your kindness as a dutiful obligation or perceive your kindness as you being stupid.

 Even the kindest of people get weary sometimes.

Shouldn’t life be like a mirror? What you receive should be a reflection of what you gave. No one likes to be used, for me one of the greatest things about being an adult is being in charge of my feelings and most importantly acquiring the ability to ask for what I want, just the way that I want it. Perhaps it’s not the right way to go through life, but I have learnt to use the word no, to put myself first, to be selfish with my time and only spend it with the people who matter; doing the things that matter, I have also learnt to love with conditions, my condition is respect: I will not reciprocate in situations where I feel disrespected and taken for granted. I have learnt to give as much as I receive. 

3 comments on “Conditional love

  • Girl, in life you must give yourself unconditional love first before you can be able to share it with others because you can never be able to share something that you do not have. So always be kind to yourself. 🙂

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